Its been a good half a year since I last blogged. Lots of stuff happened and like… I really hate my life. I don’t know what am I living for, for others, for God, or for myself. It’s like I’m just living everyday life emptily. Really damn sick and tired of being someone I’m not, putting on a strong front, a mask to show others how strong I really am, when deep down, I’m just insecure, insecure of my identity as a Christ-follower and how people view the real me. Lifegroup no longer feels like lifegroup, home no longer feels like home. I no longer feel like me. After running this race for 2 years, I can’t help but ask, What am I doing this for? Am I doing this just to feel up seats in Nexus and out of responsibility, or is it the flame that was once ignited in me and my burden for people? It’s really hard to differenciate between what’s right and wrong now. Whatever seems wrong in the past seems right and whatever seems right in the past seems wrong. Am I living in the past, or am I just ahead of the curve? Quoting from Alvern’s blog, “Central has changed a lot. The presence of the past seemed to have revived our old selves. Introducing what seemed to be new dynamics were actually almost forgotten pasts.”. As I looked back in the past, I can’t help but to break down. When I had the best, I took it for granted. Now that I have seemingly nothing, I can’t do anything to salvage the situation.
God, where are You?
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